


DNA (Audio-Fic)

by Shawnathin93



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-09-18 10:55:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 52
Words: 13,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9381407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shawnathin93/pseuds/Shawnathin93
Summary: "What do you mean you need one more person to play a 2v2 game?"Killua has spent his entire life alone, caught up in the world of DNA, his favorite online game. He's never made so much as a single friend, and always plays alone. Until...===============STOP=================Just so you guys know, this is an audio fic! That means I'm actually recording this fic as an audio in the style of Killua. You can listen to it on my Tumblr, and a link will be posted with each episode!---------Completed 5/12/2017---------





	1. Chapter 1

Hey! IF you want to listen to this fic, [chapter one can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/156047408128/hey-everyone-i-bring-you-the-beginning-of-what)

 

_Script:_

_Hi, I’m Killua. I’m nineteen years old, and this is my blog. Yeah, only I can see it, and yeah, it’s not going to affect anyone else’s lives, but I still wanted to do this, to collect my thoughts and leave kind of an…e-record? I guess._

_So, what do I do in life? Not much, and that’s just the way I like it. I game a lot. Well, one game specifically. It’s awesome. I’ve played it since the beta, almost four years ago, and it’s kind of what I devote the majority of my time to. Nothing against that though. The game is called ‘DNA’. No one really knows what it stands for, not even the developers, actually. The game started with a different name, I don’t know it, but because of the map layout, everyone just calls it DNA, since that’s what it looks like._

_I’m pretty decent at the game. My win loss ratio is about sixty-forty, which is above average, so that’s cool._

_The thing is, I don’t really have much else to do with my time, so I kind of play it all day. My parents died when I was pretty young, too young to really remember, and left me with a foster family and a huge sum of money when I turned eighteen. I’ve spent my life being surrounded by private tutor after private tutor, and I’ve done enough self-research to never really need to go to college. And again, money, so no need for a job._

_Should I end the blog with my signature, or just kind of…drop it there? No idea. It’s my blog though so…Killua out!_


	2. Chapter 2

[The link to today's audio can be found here](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/156091264291/previous-episodes-1-kudos-on-ao3-are-always)

 

_Script:_

_So, why am I starting this blog? Well…I just read that you start a blog when something happens in your life that you want to talk about. This wasn’t really a big deal, but…I don’t really play the game with anyone else. No one, actually. And that’s okay! I don’t really need anyone to play this game._

_It’s a two versus two style game, in the shape of a strand of DNA. The center lanes of the map looks like the wide part of the strand, and the game forces the two people apart, fighting solo, each versus an opponent, with each having the goal to take the turret before their enemy. If one turret is taken on the enemy’s side, so is the turret on the enemy’s other side. Basically, when one half of a team goes down, they both do, which forces them back to where the strand intersects. There, the opponents then have the chance to fight two versus two, each fighting either fighting to take their enemy’s turret, or defend their own. This repeats, until one team has been pushed back a total of four turrets._

_You might be asking why a team of two can’t just attack one side at the wide part? Well, that’s the cool bit. The game forces only one person at a time to go to each lane. Once one person is in, the lane shuts down for the other person. You can switch lanes, but that requires that you both go back to base first, which almost always results in the loss of a turret. That strategy has worked in the past, but not often._

_The cool thing about this style of game is that it’s pretty short. Usually only around twenty minutes. But in that time, a lot happens, which is why coordination is key. I have such a good win-loss ratio because I am pretty good at reading the battlefield, and I like to take the lead on a lot of situations. It’s only really when people don’t listen to me, or when people try to take the lead themselves that we die. I know that’s probably what everyone says though. But that’s…kind of what my blog is going to be about._


	3. Chapter 3

[Here's the link to episode three!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/156134373518/previous-episodes-1-2-march-15th-2016-at-700)

 

_Script:_

 

_So, yeah. What exactly is this blog about? What’s that one thing I really wanted to discuss? So, I don’t ever duo, which is matching up with a friend to play. I only use matchmaking, because I’ve…never really added anyone in this game. I leave right after the game ends, because it’s better that way. Today, though, I played with someone who just…got it._

_The way the game works is you’re matched with someone random, you’re put in a lobby where you have a minute to discuss strategy, and which characters you’re going to play. My favorite character, and one I am proud to support an 85% win rate with, is Galvan. He’s an assassin, who uses electricity to move objects and fight people. He’s dope. Anyway, the other person picked a character right away, and when I asked them if they were okay with me picking Galvan, they instantly switched to Galvan’s best duo partner, Huntress. That has never happened before, someone switching because I wanted to play a certain character. The chat is usually so toxic and people usually either fight or leave before the match even starts. As you could guess, I was so excited for this game._

_When we landed in game, at first, I was really annoyed by them. They were really loud, even if it was only over text chat. The type that uses a ton of caps, and exclamation points, you know? The kind of person that lets out ninety different versions of ‘good luck’. But they were so…happy, the entire time. Two deaths in, I would usually be pretty upset, but they just continued to play like nothing happened._

_The really interesting part about this game was when I typed out a command or a plan for us to execute…Okay, usually it goes from horrible to okay, but this time, the other person just…listened, to every single thing I said, without complaint, almost instantaneously reacting to what I was saying. Anyway, fast forward fifteen minutes, which was one of my quickest game times ever, and we ended up winning the game without losing a single turret. It was awesome._

_I actually really wanted to add this person after the game was over…Unfortunately, muscle memory kicked in, and I kind of backed out of the lobby before either of us had a chance to say anything. I’m pretty upset about it, actually. The worst part is that I remember him having a pretty…stupid name, and not knowing why anyone would name themselves that way. I know I had issues with it…I just can’t remember why._


	4. Chapter 4

[Here is the link for episode four!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/156194150838/almost-forgot-to-post-this-one-haha-im-really)

 

_March 16th, 2016 at 11:00 PM_

_Script:_

_He added me! I took one look at his name and berated myself for not remembering why it bothered me so much! His name is “Gon Fishin”, but without the ‘e’ at the end of ‘gone’. The entire time, I questioned why someone would have a name as peculiar as that, but I tried not to judge, because everyone has a story. His reasoning made me feel pretty stupid in the end. That’s his name. Gon._

_Anyway, I messaged him, and I did find out it’s a him, and asked how he remembered my name to add me. He sent over about fifty question marks, before telling me he looked at the recently played tab, and then made a little snarky remark asking if I knew what that was. I knew he was kidding, but…I actually didn’t even know that existed. I’ve never really needed to use it._

_Anyway, the point is, he added me, and told me he’s down to play whenever I want. I doubt we’ll play too much, especially because I’m on all the time, and from the look of his profile, he’s pretty new. His win loss ratio isn’t too bad, by the looks of things, but his character knowledge is pretty slim, because his build on each character is pretty much the same. Still, it’s cool to have someone on my friends list, I guess._


	5. Chapter 5

[Here's the link for today's episode!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/156227343313/previous-episodes-1-2-3-4-march-18th-2016-at) 

 

_Script:_

_The craziest thing happened today. I know I talked about how I had a pretty good win-loss ratio, so I’d expect to win at least half of my games, but today was insane._

_So, I logged on this afternoon, and almost instantly received a game invitation from Gon. I hope I’m saying his name right, I’ve never heard of anyone with that name before. Anyway, we played a total of six games today, and only lost one. The loss was pretty unpreventable too, as Gon’s internet went down for the first minute or so. Any time spent out of the match almost always guarantees a loss, because there’s so much going on._

_Still, five out of six games won, with someone I’ve only played with once before via matchmaking, and using text chat to communicate…that’s crazy. The best part is that Gon still listened to me as much as he did in the first match. Yeah, he was typing a lot of stupid stuff, and acting like a total idiot but…I kind of liked it…I actually really enjoyed the games themselves today, not just the wins. That hasn’t happened in a long time, so it was really nice._

_So yeah, that’s my blog entry for the day. I know it’s not much, I only played a few games with a total stranger, but that was a pretty big step for me. We might not ever play again, who knows, but I’m not going to lie…that was a lot of fun._


	6. Chapter 6

[Today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/156286613238/previous-episodes-1-2-3-4-5-march-20th-2016)

 

_March 20th, 2016 at 4:00 PM_

 

_Script:_

_So, I played a few games today, went about fifty-fifty, but overall it was a pretty good day. I played by myself, which is fine. Gon didn’t really have a chance to play today, I probably should have asked why he was even online, oh well._

_We did talk for a little bit, though. It is kind of…strange…to receive a message from someone in game and have it not be about the game, but Gon asked how old I was, out of curiosity. I told him I was nineteen, and I found out that he’s eighteen! We’re practically the same age, which is awesome._

_Again, I doubt we’ll play too much. I checked out his profile again, and found out that he’s played fewer games in his four months of playing than I have in a month. I mean, that’s probably pretty normal for your average person,  but still, I won’t get my hopes up or anything. Not that there are any hopes to get up. I just meant…never mind. Gon’s probably not very committed to DNA, which is fine._

_Remember how he switched to Huntress when we played in our first match? I found out that Huntress is his most played champion, which is pretty cool. I asked him if he wanted to try doing the Huntress/Galvan combo again, and he said it would be fun to work on. I love the combo, because even if one person has a rough start, they do a decent enough job building off of each other’s abilities, and can usually recover pretty easily._

_Anyway, that’s all I’ve got. I kind of like this blogging thing, though._


	7. Chapter 7

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/156331279388/you-can-find-this-on-ao3-just-click-this-link)

 

 

_March 23rd, 2016 at 3:10 AM_

_Script:_

_Today was…quite the day. I don’t really know where to begin…when I logged in today, Gon was online already, and when I invited him to a game, he got upset and said that he was just about to do the same thing, and I beat him to it. It was…kind of cute, actually._

_I forgot to count how many games we played, but at twenty minutes a game, I know we played a ton…and we didn’t lose a single one. We tried out the Huntress/Galvan combo again, and it went almost flawlessly. In just a short amount of games…I can tell Gon is learning a lot, and that we are pretty quickly increasing the skillgap between ourselves and the people we’re playing against. If we were to take this into ranked play, we could probably move up pretty quickly._

_During our matches though, I found myself laughing, smiling, typing stupid things back…and actually enjoying myself in game. This only furthered Gon’s nonsensical attitude, but…that was the first time I’ve ever really let go in chat, and it was really…relieving, I guess. Like a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders while we were playing._

_Anyway, after we finished playing, Gon…asked if he could add me on Skype…Now, between me and me, I didn’t have a Skype, and I only made one to talk to Gon, but I’ll never tell him that. When I added him, I kind of asked him what we’re supposed to do on it. We are perfectly capable of messaging each other in game, so I didn’t really know what to expect. His answer both terrified and excited me. He…wants to have a call while we play. Like…actually use our voices to talk to each other…I mean, it’s the logical thing to do, right? It will increase communication and reduce lag time spent typing out messages and commands to each other…I’m guessing it’s going to help a lot, but I can’t shake the feeling that something will go wrong. All these thoughts keep going through my head and I can’t stop them. What if he doesn’t like my voice? What if he is annoyed by it? What if I’m annoyed by his? We’re introducing an unknown element into our gaming relationship. N-not that kind of relationship, of course, just that we game together. *Sigh* I’m going to stop here. It’s three in the morning, and I can’t sleep, so I’m going to go play. Later!_


	8. Chapter 8

[The link for today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/156365887232/you-can-find-this-on-ao3-just-click-this-link)

 

_March 26th, 2016 at 3:10 AM_

_Script:_

 

_I’ve just gotten off the call with Gon…and my god is that guy loud. I’m not talking about his yelling, rage, or anything like that, I’ve yet to see him upset but…he’s just a very loud person both in his voice, and in his personality. He’s also very playful. He spent the majority of the call talking about nothing at all, goofing off, and having a great time, regardless of what I was doing. I had a lot of fun, though. It was so different than anything I’ve ever experienced…and it was wonderful._

_Whenever I told him a plan, or whenever we got into a fight, however, Gon’s attitude instantly changed. He became much more focused, much more driven, and listened to every word I said. I don’t want to say this for certain yet, but it’s as though Gon thinks if I make a plan, or execute a move…that we can’t lose. He could be in the middle of talking about nothing at all, goofing off,  laughing, and if we get jumped…he instantly stops talking, and focuses on the game. He asked me many times for directions, as though he was waiting on my move…it was amazing._

_Now, I don’t want you to think that Gon doesn’t make his own decisions. I think I spoke too soon when I said I didn’t know how into the game he was. That guy has short-term focus unlike anything I’ve ever seen before._

_So…yeah…I was really nervous for the call, but having DNA to talk about really helped alleviate any anxiety I had in the moment. We played six games, and didn’t lose a single one. This can’t all be coincidence and luck, and I’m really excited to see where this goes._

_At the end of the sixth game, Gon said he had to get some sleep. I asked him why he was going to bed so early, and then realized I didn’t even know what time it was for him. I found out that we’re actually in the same time zones, which is so cool! I also learned that Gon is in college, studying to be a veterinarian, because he loves animals. Between me and me…that’s absolutely adorable._

_Ugh…at the end of the call, Gon told me he’d had a really fun time, and that he was really excited to play with me again, which is great, but I was so nervous and had no idea what to say…so I accidentally hung up the call before I could say anything at all…it was so awkward…this was like three hours ago, and I have had this horrible feeling in my stomach the whole time…because I wish I’d told him ‘Yeah…me too’._

 


	9. Chapter 9

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/156412014278/previous-episodes-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-march)

 

_March 30th, 2016 at 11:00 AM_

 

 _Script_ :

 

_It turns out my anxiety about hanging up the call so awkwardly was for nothing, because Gon didn’t even reference it. He was just excited to hop into another game. We only ended up playing for about an hour, two games in total, though. Gon has a test tomorrow, and has to study before getting a good night’s sleep. I’m a little sad that I can’t play anymore with him, but it’s not that big of a deal._

_I know I’m going to regret saying this but…I am starting to find that I don’t…really want to play the game without Gon. Yeah, it’s still fun to play, and I’m still just as into the game as I was but…the style of gameplay is so different when we’re on a team, and other matches just don’t really compare anymore._

_We played about four hours ago, and I haven’t logged back on at all since then. For the last few hours, I’ve just been researching the different combinations of items, and how they can better our games when we play together. I’ve also been devising different combinations with different characters that work really well together and kind of embody our play-styles. I’m really excited to show him the information I’ve learned, and try out the ideas I’ve had…_

_I hope he does well on his test tomorrow…Sweet dreams, Gon._


	10. Chapter 10

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/156499703803/previous-episodes-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-the)

 

_April 2nd, 2016 at 10:30 PM_

 

_Script:_

 

_I saw Gon was on Skype, and shot him a message asking if he wanted to play. When I logged into DNA, I saw that he was in a game with someone else…that’s fine, I already knew he had a lot more people to play with than me. I decided I’d just hop into a game myself, but I went to the bathroom first…and when I came back, I had an invitation from him, and a message that said ‘We gonna play?????????????’, with an excessive amount of question marks._

_I didn’t expect to use my entire day playing DNA, and I’m sure he didn’t either but…we played fifteen games…we both agreed to play until we lost and…it took fifteen games for us to finally admit defeat. I think we were both so burned out at the end, that we didn’t play as well as we could have._

_Afterwards, we spent an hour or so talking about strategy, and what we could have done better, even in the games we won. We also goofed off a decent amount of that time, and at one point…we were both laughing really hard at something he said, when he went…quiet. I didn’t really know why, but when I asked him if everything was okay, he said…that I have a really nice laugh…why does he always say stuff that I don’t know how to respond to? Though…he has a really nice laugh too…_

_Anyway, at the end of the call…Gon said “I’m really happy to have made a friend as awesome as you”…and when he said goodbye…I just kind of muttered an awkward ‘goodbye’ back…I didn’t know what to say again…I know he’s just really nice and all, and he probably says stuff just to be nice all the time but…Gon called me his…friend…I…have a friend…_


	11. Chapter 11

[The link to today's episode can be found here! ](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/156592262158/previous-episodes-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10)

 

_April 3rd, 2016 at 11:00 pm_

 

_Script:_

 

_This is going to sound pretty pathetic, and if anyone were ever to read this, they would probably already have guessed by now but…I’ve never had a friend before. Sure, I’ve had plenty of acquaintances, but no one I’ve ever actually had any desire to talk to for more than a few minutes._

_Yet…here I am, playing games for hours on end with someone I’ve never even met in person before, who has almost nothing in common with me. He’s loud; I’m quiet. He’s always happy, no matter what’ I’m a very…reserved person. He’s always excited; I am calm. We’re practically opposite people…yet I’m having so much fun._

_And…I want what Gon has…I want to be excited with him, to laugh with him, to act stupid with him…but it’s so different than who I’ve spent my entire life being that I have a huge difficulty expressing that…even a little bit._


	12. Chapter 12

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/156735718788/previous-episodes-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10)

 

_April 8th, 2016 at 7:00 pm_

 

 

 

_Script_ _:_

 

_We’ve been playing about a month now…and our win loss ratio is absolutely disgusting, in a good way. In all that time, we’ve played over a hundred and fifty games together…and we’ve lost four…this has to be a record or something. We still haven’t played ranked yet, though._

_I…uh…did something very unlike me today. Gon and I were playing a game…and before I could realize what I was doing and push the thought down to the depths of never-be-spoken-of-again…I asked him for his number._

_Of course, being the cheeky little shit he is, Gon made a joke about how it has only been a month, and I’m already asking for his digits. I already felt embarrassed and numb as hell, but this pushed me to new heights, and I was about to end the call and bury myself under fifteen sheets of blankets…when I heard Gon whisper *Pause* ‘I thought you’d never ask’._

_He gave me his number, but had to go, so we ended the call. This was about an hour ago…I should probably text him…I still haven’t given him my number…I’m just really nervous, and I don’t know why. It’s not that big of a deal, it’s just another way to communicate…_

_Not gonna lie, though…I haven’t stopped smiling since we ended the call._


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry this has been delayed, I was pretty sick over the weekend and audios are definitely something you cannot do when your voice is messed up :P they resume now though!

[Here's the link to today's episode on Tumblr!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/156907872553/sorry-folks-ive-been-out-sick-so-this-has-been)

 

_April 9th, 2016 at 7:00 pm_

 

_Script:_

 

_So…I texted Gon…yeah, it was only a simple ‘hello’, but I had butterflies in my stomach the entire time. Anyway, I sent him that text, put my phone down, and within ten seconds, it vibrated. I picked it up and…*reading* Gon has sent you a picture message._

_I practically broke my thumb swiping my phone on unlock, and…there was a caption…’a picture to use as your icon for me, if you want’. *Breath* He’s really cute…It was a picture of him, smiling, making a peace sign next to his head. It’s still…kind of open on my phone right now…_

_Anyway, Gon asked for one back, but made sure to mention ‘only if you’re comfortable’…there’s an issue with that…I don’t take photos of myself, never have…but I kind of owed it to him, so I did. I just held the phone up, didn’t even bother making myself look any better, and sent it as fast as I could. I was not going to give myself a chance to look at it for too long and delete it._

_Gon…sent back a text saying..”Omg you’re cute”…I just messaged him back ‘stop being embarrassing’…but…I definitely felt that multiplied by a thousand for him._


	14. Chapter 14

[You can find the link to today's episode here! ](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/156957318123/previous-episodes-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10)

 

_April 11th, 2016 at 2:30 PM_

 

 

_Script:_

 

_He’s got some intense eyes…It’s hard to explain, but just by looking at him, even when he’s smiling…I can see how his attention switches from a melancholy attitude, to instant focus when we’re playing DNA._

_Another thing is…everything that Gon has said and done in the last month that has drawn me to him…I now feel the exact same draw for in his picture….I don’t know how to explain it. I never could have matched his voice with what he actually looked like before, but now that I’ve seen him, I don’t think I can imagine a better fit. You can tell, just by looking at him that he’s an extremely loud, and extremely happy person._

_I’m looking at this photo way too much. I can’t help myself…whenever he texts me, and believe me, we’ve been texting a decent amount, but whenever I see his picture light up my phone, I find myself staring at it again. God, am I creepy? Is this normal? I see it, daze off…and find myself hoping he’s looking at my picture thinking the same thing I am…_

_God…what is wrong with me.._


	15. Chapter 15

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/156995226873/previous-episodes-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10)

 

_April 14th, 2016 at 11:30 PM_

 

_Script:_

_Okay, I’m going to start off by saying that this…doesn’t really bother me that much. I know I’m talking about it in my blog and stuff, but it’s just what’s on my mind._

_We’ve been gaming together for a while now, almost every day, which is why I have no complaints, you know? Whenever we’re not gaming, we are texting, so I have no reason to be upset or sad or anything, it’s awesome._

_It’s just…I know Gon is busy all the time and has a lot of stuff to work on, and…I’m not. So yeah, I might respond right away and, yeah he might not for a bit but…that’s okay! I just wanted to talk about it because…even if it’s few and far between when we talk…I don’t really talk to anyone else, so when my phone vibrates…*pause for effect, smile* I know it’s him._


	16. Chapter 16

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/157082538903/previous-episodes-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10)

 

_April 16th, 2016 at 1:00 AM_

 

_Script:_

_You ever have those times where you don’t really feel awkward in a situation, but you know you’ve said something that, quite unintentionally made them feel awkward? I think I did that today…but it was his fault!_

_We were on a pretty decent win streak, having a great time and stuff, and he had to take a break because his mom called, I think. He came back, and we were playing for a bit longer, when he asked me about my family. Now, since it’s not a big deal to me…I just told him. I said they died when I was younger._

_He got…all flustered, and quiet, and really apologetic. I was more taken aback by his reaction than he was by me saying my parents had died. I told him to calm down, and that it happened before I really could remember them. It was all I’d known growing up, so it wasn’t even that big of a deal to me._

_He didn’t say anything…to the point where I had to ask if he was still there. He just let out a little affirmative noise…like a  “mhm”…and then even quieter, said, “I really wish I could hug you right now, Killua”…_

_…God, that boy is going to be the death of me._


	17. Chapter 17

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/157117798538/previous-episodes-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10)

 

_April 16th, 2016 at 3:30 PM_

 

_Script:_

 

_Okay, Gon is in the bathroom, so I have to be really quick about this blog entry. So I logged in today, and asked him if he wanted to play, normal stuff right? And…he turned me down. Said he has to study, which is fine. I was a little sad of course…but then…_

_He…asked me, as long as it wasn’t too much of a distraction for him, if I wanted to…just talk on Skype. We haven’t done anything like this yet…yeah we’ve Skyped a lot but…_

_What am I going to do?_

_This is the first time we’ve done anything like this…like…been around each other a long period of time without any game to play… What if we don’t have anything to talk about? What if it’s super awkward?_

_Crap, he just texted me that he’s back. Gotta go! I’ll post how it went as soon as we’re done!_


	18. Chapter 18

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/157157615543/previous-episodes-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10)

 

_April 16th, 2016 at 11:15 PM_

_Script:_

 

_…That went amazing. Slight laugh. Better than amazing, actually…Gon…he asked me if I…wanted to…uh…video chat. Like use our cameras and everything. Not gonna lie, I definitely started shaking. Of course I said yes though, probably a little too fast, actually._

_The call loaded, and the little box opened up. I tried really hard not to look at myself, sitting there looking like an idiot, but then his little circle started twirling, you know the one that means the video’s about to load…and then there he was._

_He was sitting at his desk, and all of the lights were off except for his lamp, so his features were pretty half dimmed. He had a bunch of college books in front of him. Also, have I mentioned how cute he looks in his jacket and hat? Because oh my gosh, they fit him so well._

_I guess…the best way I can describe the feeling of seeing him…was when you have a manga you love, and follow for a really long time…and then finally see it brought to life in the full color glory of an anime version. A good one, too._

_Anyway, everything I worried about was for nothing, which I’m starting to notice is a recurring theme. I don’t know what he sees in me…but I will never complain._

_Of course…I kind of spent most of the time just watching him. It was probably creepy, actually. He was studying, so I got away with it quite a lot but…he definitely looked up many times and I looked away quickly, so he probably knew…I tried to make myself appear busy too, so that he didn’t think I was just watching him…god I’m creepy…_

_I might be imagining it, but…I definitely caught Gon staring, at least at his computer screen a few times…and I made a joke about him staring at me, and his face got all red…I don’t know, I’m definitely just trying to put something there that isn’t but…_

_He is so cute._


	19. Chapter 19

[Here's the link to today's episode!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/157244230291/previous-episodes-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10)

   


_April 19th, 2016 at 8:15 PM_

_  
_

_Script:_

_*Sigh* I know…this is obvious probably…but believe me I’ve been fighting myself on it for a while now…it’s not like it’s…bad or anything, but there’s no way this is two sided. *Sigh* Okay…so…I definitely like Gon more than a friend. Just a little bit though!_

_…Okay not just a little bit. I’m obsessed. When he smiles, I smile…when he laughs, I feel like I’m walking on clouds…and when he says my name, it sends a chill up my spine…Ugh, talking like this makes me feel gross but…I like him so much…_

_The problem is…I know he could never…never feel the same way about me. Even if the feelings I have are…those types of feelings…Gon has way too many friends, and he’s…way too wonderful to fall for someone like me…I should be content with Gon even wanting to be my friend._

_Yeah…admitting that hurts, a lot. At the same time, though…I can’t help but think about what could be. What if he did like me back? What if we had that talk, and Gon admitted his feelings to me? Everything that my life…feels like it’s missing…would be filled._

_*Sigh* I’m gonna go now. This has been…a lot…for me to talk about, and I kind of just want to lay down. Bye._


	20. Chapter 20

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/157292696448/previous-episodes-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10)

 

_April 21st, 2016 at 10:15 PM_

_Script:_

_So…Gon invited me to his group’s Discord server. Discord is this…chat thingy, where you can talk to people and have different channels for different types of conversations. Yeah, it’s a two person game, so there’s lots of channels designed for that, but there’s also a general chat where a larger group can just sit and talk. The concept is…nice, because that means if someone were to look for a game, they could just hop on and find a partner._

_I am…hesitant to join, for two reasons. One…other than Gon, I don’t really have anyone I talk to on a regular basis…and meeting all these new people honestly scares the hell out of me. Like…lose sleep over it levels…Two…I’m really enjoying my alone time with Gon, if I’m being honest, and I’m afraid us going over to this server is going to take away a lot of that time._

_Actually…I’m afraid that, once we’re in this chat…that Gon won’t want to Skype anymore. I know it’s a stupid thing to be afraid of, and I’m sure we’ll at least continue a little bit…but our time together, gaming or otherwise is really all I look forward to anymore. Not to say I’m sad without it or anything like that, but I just…really enjoy my time with him._


	21. Chapter 21

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/157410484363/previous-episodes-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10)

 

_April 23rd, 2016 at 1:00 AM_

 

_Script:_

_Oh look…more of Killua worrying for nothing, again. Man, if anyone were to see this, they would probably think of me as some…paranoid crazy pervert or something. I promise it’s not like that…I just haven’t…had anything like this…and I really don’t want to lose it._

_The Discord server was actually really nice. Gon introduced me to a bunch of people…I’m never going to learn all their names. I’m going to try, though. I stayed quiet most of the time, which is fine because everyone else was pretty talkative, even if it was a little awkward. Any time someone asked a question, I did my best to answer it though._

_I wrote down the names of the people who were online at the time, just to make sure I’d remember them. I don’t know if these are their in-game names, or their real names, could be either, honestly. There was this pretty annoying guy, Leorio. He mostly talked to the quiet one, Kurapika. There was the loud one, Zushi, and the…strange one…Hisoka. They were all a pretty good bunch of people, and I actually had a really fun time._


	22. Chapter 22

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/157496169673/previous-episodes-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10)

 

_April 25th, 2016 at 10:15 PM_

_Script:_

_When I logged into DNA today, Gon wasn’t online. I probably could have texted him, but I decided to hop on the Discord server to see if he was there first. He wasn’t. Kurapika was the only one online. I actually asked Kurapika if he wanted to play a few games. Look at me, being all bold and stuff._

_We played for a bit, with varying success. Kurapika never gets upset, which is a really nice quality to have in a game like this, but we’re both the type that like to take control of the situation in games, and that definitely played into our win-loss ratio. I don’t blame him, and I’m sure he doesn’t blame me, though. It was still pretty fun._

_Just as Kurapika said he had to leave, Gon hopped on the server. It was strange, since both Kurapika and I are quiet people, to have my headphones blasted out of my ears to the sound of my name, but Gon has always been known to be loud, and it definitely put a huge smile on my face._

_After Kurapika left, Gon…asked if I wanted to transition over to Skype with him. There goes all my worry about us having alone time. That made me so happy to hear, because we just as easily could have used Discord. But…Gon wanted to video chat again. I’ll always be down to do that, oh my god._

_It was the first time we used video chat while playing. Yeah…I definitely died a few times because I was busy staring at Gon. Good thing I have more than one monitor, and can keep his video up on the other screen, even if it was bad for gameplay._

_We still won every game, though, and I found myself laughing, yelling, and actually being…just as loud as Gon was. At the end of the night…Gon mentioned how…adorable I was being, and again, how happy he was to have met me…I was all embarrassed, and I blurted out a ‘Friends don’t say that to each other’…and I must have screwed up again, because Gon got all quiet after that…god, why do I always say things that mess up amazing situations? Why is it always me?_

 


	23. Chapter 23

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/157553709008/previous-episodes-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10)

 

_April 26th, 2016 at 9:15 PM_

 

 

_Script:_

_It’s been two days since we last video Skyped, and I haven’t seen Gon online, or even heard from him, once…I’m really worried about it…I know I said the wrong thing, and I’m so afraid I scared him away…_

_I check my friends list every day, and Gon hasn’t been online since we last played together…Gon hasn’t removed me as a friend yet, or anything, so I can still see that he hasn’t been online but…god I hate myself right now, I don’t know why he’s gone, but I am so afraid it’s because I said something I can’t take back._

_I’ve texted Gon twice, the first just being a ‘Hey, where are you’, and the second asking to see if Gon was okay…and I haven’t gotten a single response back yet._

_I know it’s only been a few days…but I miss him so, so much._


	24. Chapter 24

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/157596796278/previous-episodes-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10)

 

 

 

_April 28th, 2016 at 1:15 AM_

_Script:_

_So…I got on Discord, and asked Gon’s friends…I guess…my friends, too…but I asked if they’ve heard from Gon at all. They said they haven’t either…which is a relief to hear, but is also very scary to think about…where is he?_

_They did say, though, that he does this quite frequently, and they’re just…used to it by now. That he just…disappears without a trace for a few days, and comes back like nothing happened. They said they’ve stopped asking where he’s gone, and accepted it’s going to happen._

_I don’t know if that makes me more relieved, or worried…I still have this nagging feeling that my last conversation with him has made him…leave…I know I’m probably worrying about nothing…_

_Please come back, Gon._


	25. Chapter 25

[Here's the link to today's episode!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/157635803113/previous-episodes-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10)

 

_April 29th, 2016 at 8:45 PM_

 

 

_Script:_

 

_He…came back. He came back. Slight laugh. God it’s good to see him again._

_I kind of…started our conversation by blurting out an apology to Gon. I’d been thinking about what I wanted to say for days, made revisions to it, and has a paper with bullet points and a script lined out and ready to go…and then when I went to say it, I screwed the whole thing up, an d probably made no sense at all._

_Gon just sat there, eyes wide…not saying anything for a bit…before finally whispering “Killua, it had nothing to do with that”. You don’t know how much relief that made me feel._

_I told him how scared I was that I’d scared him away…and he said that…no words could ever do that…that nothing I could possibly say would scare him away…Slight laugh_

_I don’t think anything anyone has ever told me has made me feel better than that. I still feel…butterflies just thinking about it._

_Anyway, I asked him what happened, and he said that studying got in the way, and when exams and stuff are coming up, he likes to disconnect and study without the distraction of the internet or his phone. You’d think I’d be bothered by that, and my first thought was ‘a simple text would have been nice, I’ve been frantic’…but I don’t actually mind that much. His determination to his studies is one of the things I really like about him._

_And how could I be upset, with how much he apologized after that. I’m talking profusely apologized. Like, I had to shut him up, and blurt out a ‘we’re not dating’. Yeah I messed up again. Gon laughed it off, but went kind of quiet. Why do I always do that? Why do my stupid feelings get in the way at the dumbest times? It’s like they’re actively working against me! *sigh*_

_I’m just…so glad he’s back._


	26. Chapter 26

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/157675448463/previous-episodes-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10)

 

 

_April 30th, 2016 at 9:17 PM_

 

_Script:_

_They released new modes in DNA!!!! I’m so freaking excited!!! They’re only temporary, kind of a little bonus, but I love new modes!_

_They released a 6v6 style game, where you all have to play the exact same character. So six people on each team are going against six of the exact same characters. Each team can pick a different character, though. It’s crazy! Sometimes you are countered really hard, and that sucks, but other times, you counter the hell out of the opponent. Or, you could, by pure chance, pick the exact same character as the enemy team. Basically, you have to coordinate, and have the most fun possible while doing it. It’s so…goofy…and I love it._

_We played like ten games today, in Discord. Coincidentally, there were six of us, and we were all free, so it worked out really well! I didn’t do too much talking, but we goofed off a lot, and honestly, it was some of the most fun I’ve ever had._

_Of course, my individual time with Gon is infinitely better to me…but this was my first real experience with a group…and it didn’t go to shit…which is wonderful._


	27. Chapter 27

[Here is the link for today's episode!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/158170377898/friendly-reminder-this-is-a-killugon-gaming-au)

 

_May 3rd, 2016, at 11:15 PM._

_Script:_

 

_I was really curious as to how Gon met everyone in the discord server. Get this…he met them all in DNA. He’s only been playing for a few months…_

_He basically collected all of these people that he enjoyed playing with, started a server, introduced them to each other, and the rest was history…That’s so freakin cool.  They seem so…close…after such a short time. Almost makes me jealous._

_Gon then told me that he’s spent his entire life switching between games, never really enjoying them, or finding a friend group, until DNA…and…more specifically…me. I started telling him not to be so embarrassing, but he shushed me…and said that he was serous. That…the level of intensity that I throw into each game, while still being able to have fun and goof off is…exactly what he’d been looking for._

_I didn’t say much to that…but I found it kind of funny…’cause that’s exactly how I felt after I’d met Gon, as well._


	28. Chapter 28

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/158244083558/friendly-reminder-this-is-a-killugon-gaming-au)

 

 

_May 5th, 2016, at 1:20 AM._

 

 

_Script:_

_Did I mention how you can type to everyone, including the enemy, in chat? It’s sort of an…all chat thing. Anyway, Gon and I were in a game, and kicking their asses might I add, when someone I killed typed in all chat “You’re so gay”._

_I’ve heard this kind of talk for years, and I’m used to it, but Gon…went off on them. He said “What is it with using gay to describe someone to kick your ass? Does everyone in the gaming community assume homosexuals are good at gaming? Because I get called gay like every match, so that’s gotta be it”._

_The person responded with a “Aww look, is your boyfriend sticking up for you?”…and then Gon…he typed out a…a…”MAYBE HE IS”, in all caps. I didn’t say a word, I was terrified to say the wrong thing…but the moment passed, we finished the game, and Gon talked about how much he hated people like that for the next hour or so._

_It was really…intense, and really intoxicating to see someone so passionate about something like that. Have I mentioned how wonderful he is?_

_God I’m screwed._


	29. Chapter 29

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/158288048993/the-link-to-the-master-list-where-you-can-find)

 

 

_May 7th, 2016, at 8:40 PM._

_Script:_

_Today was a pretty eventful day. I mean, as eventful as it can be when your life consists of two things: a game you have spent far too much time with, as well as a cute boy you…plan to spend far too much time with._

_Anyway…Gon and I exchanged addresses…it was rather sudden, really. We were talking about different places we’ve been to, and he mentioned an aquarium that he went to a few years ago. He loves fish, by the way. Anyway…I’ve been to that aquarium too…it’s been a while, but my foster parents took me there when I was a kid._

_I asked him where he lived…he only lives six or seven hours away…yeah it’s a lot, but that means we could…actually meet someday. I doubt it will ever happen, but it’s really nice to think about._

_Lately, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about just…cuddling him. And I know that’s really cheesy, you don’t have to tell me, but imagining it is…one of the nicest thoughts I’ve ever had the pleasure of thinking._

_I think I’m going to send him some stuff sometime soon…I don’t know what yet, but now that I have his address…I really, really want to._


	30. Chapter 30

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/158318751878/the-link-to-the-master-list-where-you-can-find)

 

_May 8th, 2016, at 9:45 AM._

_Script:_

_I think Gon has gotten a little full of himself in the last few weeks…he actually challenged me to a one on one. Me. Killua. Four months in, and he thinks he’s a god of this game. *Slight laugh* This should be good._

_He’s at school right now. He challenged me this morning, and our match is set for tonight when he gets home._

_I am not just saying this to be full of myself or anything…but I could probably beat him giving about twenty percent of my true skill. He’s not bad, I’ve just been playing long enough to know I’m that good._

_I will go a bit easy on him, though, so I don’t upset him or anything. He’s not usually one to get upset, I have only ever seen it like once or twice, and never for losing, I guess I just…kind of feel bad beating people I know? I don’t know, it’s weird._

_Anyway, that’s all I’ve really got to talk about for today. The match should be interesting, that’s for sure._


	31. Chapter 31

[You can find today's episode here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/158372815363/mmmmmmm-the-link-to-the-master-list-where-you)

 

 

 

_May 9th, 2016, at 7:03 AM._

_Script:_

_*Dreamy breath* Uhm…do you ever…uh…go to start something, only to have no idea what you’re going to do or say? Yeah that’s…that’s me…here…now.  Currently…it’s like seven in the morning right now. We uh…only played until about ten or eleven last night. He’s a harder opponent than I thought. I still won three matches in a row, and definitely went easy on him the first two games…but still…_

_The third game is where I showed no mercy. I mean this was a slaughter. He didn’t kill me once. I, on the other hand, killed him seventeen times. True, once you get a few kills under your belt, you kind of spiral but…it was murder._

_This…is where it gets crazy. At the end of the match, Gon said ‘Jesus, at least take me out to dinner first’, and as joke, entirely as a joke, I said ‘Fine, fly up here and I will’. *Pause* He got quiet for a moment…before saying…’I would really like to do that, Killua’…I  just sat there, stunned into silence…and then all I could let out was a shaky, breathy ‘what?’. Even if I could speak…I wouldn’t have dared to say another word at that point._

_Gon was silent for another minute, but he finally let out a barely audible ‘How obvious do I have to be’.  I was about to ask…when he said… ‘I’ve never met anyone like you before, Killua. You’re absolutely amazing, you know that? I will be forever thankful to this game for introducing me to you, but you don’t know how much I wish we’d met in person’. He paused…which gave me time to collect my thoughts, not enough for full sentences, but enough to let out a ‘Wait…s you…you…’ and he nodded vigorously, and said ‘Yeah, I do. A lot’._

_I just sat there, stunned, before letting out a soft ‘Me too’._

_After that, we switched to skype on our phones, still video chatting, just lying in bed all night…not saying much…but just staring at each other._

_It was…the best night of my life. But…I’ve been having a lot of those lately._


	32. Chapter 32

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/158461654638/the-link-to-the-master-list-where-you-can-find)

 

_May 10th, 2016, at 1:30 PM._

_Script:_

_I woke up this afternoon to a text from Gon, saying he was ‘soooooo tired’ with like…19 o’s, but that last night was ‘soooooo worth it’…with over a hundred. *Slight laugh* Of course, I said I felt exactly the same, and asked Gon if he wanted to Skype tonight as well. He said ‘Of course! What else would I be doing, studying?’ *Slight laugh again*_

_It’s…so easy to talk to him. Yeah, it started off difficult at first…but it’s become second nature to me. I barely feel awkward around him and…knowing he…actually likes me back…I have just been laying in bed all day._

_Still…it’s kind of unbelievable…he actually likes me back…He actually has feelings for…me…_

_I uh…I think…I think I’m going to ask him out tonight. *Breathe in quick, pause* Is that…too soon? I know he just told me but…I’ve never felt this way about anyone before and…I honestly don’t know if I can resist asking any longer._


	33. Chapter 33

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/158554789508/the-link-to-the-master-list-where-you-can-find)

 

 

_May 11th, 2016, at 9:15 PM._

_Script:_

_Uh…Gon didn’t make the Skype call. It’s fine, of course…_

_He shot me a text saying “Hey, I’m so sorry, but I’m going to have to cancel tonight. I’m also not going to be on for a while, and probably won’t have access to my phone. I promise everything is okay, and I’ll be on again as soon as I can”._

_Yeah…I’m really sad and stuff, but…at least he told me. Yeah, I have to wait…but this time I’m waiting knowing nothing is wrong.  That has me in a strange mood. Yeah, it’s sad and stuff…but I’m also really happy because of everything that’s happened, and it actually gives me time to think, collect my thoughts, and figure out…what the heck I’m going to say to him._

_It won’t be too long now._


	34. Chapter 34

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/158638737223/the-link-to-the-master-list-where-you-can-find)

 

_May 17th, 2016, at at 8:45 PM._

 

 

_Script:_

 

_It’s uh…now been three days since Gon texted me saying he couldn’t Skype…and four since we…revealed our feelings and stuff to each other…I miss him so much. Where is he going that he can’t text or anything? I know he said school…and I want to believe him…but that was a big thing to just drop and then leave right after…_

_Again,  I’m not upset…I am just sad and stuff. Gon’s probably just off with family, or doing some sort of school stuff. Heck, I still don’t know everything about him, so the family thing is probably pretty likely. Yeah. Also, I know how serious Gon is about being a veterinarian…_

_You know what…with how determined Gon is in DNA…it totally makes sense that he’d ditch his phone for a few days just to study. Yeah, that has to be it._

_Still…I’ve been so used to the buzzing of my phone every few minutes that…the silence of the last few days…definitely has had an effect on me. I’m trying really hard to stay positive and happy, though. I’m not in charge of where he goes or what he does. I’ll just be here, waiting to smile and laugh with him again when he gets back._


	35. Chapter 35

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/158722321948/the-link-to-the-master-list-where-you-can-find)

 

 

_May 17th, 2016, at at 8:45 PM._

 

 

_**Script** _

_It’s been an entire week…but I finally got a message back from Gon. *slight laugh* I remember thinking this morning “It will all be worth the wait, as long as I get to see or hear from him again”. And then…he messages me about an hour later. My heart jumped out of my body when I heard my phone buzz, and I actually went afk in DNA for a bit to grab the phone. That alone should tell you how…deep I am._

_Anyway, Gon’s message was a little surprising. It said “Hey, I’m so sorry I’ve been gone so long. I missed you so much the entire time, please don’t be mad at me, Killua”. *Pause* How could I ever be mad at you, Gon, you’ve given me my life, and more._

_I didn’t say that to him, I just told him not to be stupid, and asked when he wanted to be on Skype. He told me he couldn’t tonight, because he’s really tired and stuff, but that he wants to the second he gets home from school tomorrow._

_*Slight laugh again* I know it’s only been a week…but I am so excited to finally see Gon again._


	36. Chapter 36

[Here's the link to today's episode! ](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/158790949753/the-link-to-the-master-list-where-you-can-find)

 

_May 18th, 2016, at at 8:45 PM._

_**Script** _

_You know, not having someone in your life makes you pretty good at people watching, and analyzing how people react to certain situations. As a result, I’ve become…pretty good at being able to tell when something is off with someone, or when someone is trying to hide something. And…today during out Skype call, Gon had a look in his eye that I really, really didn’t like seeing._

_Of course, I could have been imagining it. Gon still acted all happy and bubbly, but I am almost certain that I didn’t misread the situation. I could tell a few minutes into the call that something was up._

_I didn’t bring it up to him, but because of that, I held off on asking Gon to…be my, uh…you know. I was honestly…terrified of what that look meant. I’ve seen that look before, in people who make promises they can’t keep…it’s the look of someone who’s said something that they later regret._

_I knew it was too good to be true. I got so caught up in it that…that I didn’t even stop to think that he too could have been caught up in the moment._

_Oh well…being his friend is more than enough for me._


	37. Chapter 37

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/158824454053/the-link-to-the-master-list-where-you-can-find)

 

_May 19th, 2016, at at 7:15 PM._

 

 

_**Script** _

_Okay, I have to be quick on this one. I know my last blog entry was super depressing. So much so that I almost want to delete the entire post, but I should leave it there to help explain a few things._

_Right now, we’re in a Skype call. Like literally right now. Gon is off in the bathroom. But…that look that I saw in his eyes, you know the one that pretty much killed me in the last blog? It was completely gone. He seemed…so much happier this time. So much so that…_

_I uh… I think I’m going to do it. Right now._


	38. Chapter 38

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/158914382358/okay-i-apologize-if-this-one-seems-off-or-not-as)

 

_May 21st, 2016, at at 12:15 AM._

_**Script** _

* _Pause* So…I had to ask Gon what had been wrong the before, when he’d had that look in his eyes. I knew I hadn’t imagined it, but Gon…looked really confused for a second, before laughing, and saying that it had just been a really long week, and that he had been really tired. I…I actually mentioned to him that I thought it had been something to do with regret for revealing his feeling for me…_

_It was the first time I’ve truly seen Gon quiet and…awestruck? Dumbfounded? He just…looked at me for a while, and then said…”How could you possibly think that Killua? I like you so much”…after another pause, the word vomit of apology started flowing out of his mouth. I will admit…I kind of stopped listening to it…because my fight or flight response was taking over…due to what I was about to do…_

_I steeled myself, and then, before I could lose my confidence, said “Gon…please…I don’t know how to say any of this, so bear with me. I’ve been playing games a long time. A long, long time, and that’s…always been the focus of my life. To win, to keep getting better, and nothing else…And then I met you…and now all of that’s changed. I play for fun, to play with you, and I’m winning more than I eer have before. *Pause* Gon…I’ve never wanted anything as badly as I want to be with you. Please…if you would be willing…be mine?_

_O-oh my god. I can’t believe those words came out of my mouth. Yeah, and before I finished them, I was already expecting him to say no…but he just sat there, not saying anything. I was just about to end the call, and my life, when Gon whispered…almost sadly…”Killua, you don’t want to be with me.”_

_I just sat there for a moment…and then I started laughing. He was taken aback by it, but all I could say was “I think I know what I want more than you do, my hopefully-boyfriend”. I honestly have no idea where this confidence came from. Maybe years of lacking it finally paid off in a burst of it._

_Gon just said, with a half, sad smile “Killua, I would like nothing more than to be with you, but-“ I stopped him there, one of my fears bubbling to the surface, and asked him if he already had a boyfriend, or if he didn’t want to do long distance. He…laughed…and said he was perfectly single, and that long distance sounded lovely. So…I asked him if it was something to do with him…and he just said “Yes.”_

_I asked him “Is it something you can control”? And he whispered “No”. So…I put on the biggest smile I possibly could, yes I know who am I, and said “Fine, then if it’s nothing you can contrl, I accept it, no matter what it is. Murdered someone? Fine. Secret agent? Whatever. You’re actually a woman? I’d be surprised but I mean, it wouldn’t stop me at this point. Honestly, as long as it has nothing to do with your obsession with animals, if you know what I mean”. He laughed at that._

_After he recovered from his giggling, he got really serious. More serious than I’ve ever seen him. He looked at me for a long time, not saying anything…before finally asking “Are you sure?”…Am I sure? Hah. I responded instantly. I said “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life, Gon”._

_And with that…I…now have…a boyfriend. Me…Killua…I’m dating Gon…I am actually dating Gon…I never thought I’d find anyone, let alone someone as absolutely, wonderfully perfect as him. I! am dating! Gon! *Laughs*_


	39. Chapter 39

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/159093951378/the-link-to-the-master-list-where-you-can-find)

 

_May 23rd, 2016, at at 11:45 PM._

_**Script** _

_So…we uh…told the discord server that we’re dating. *Laugh* Everyone seemed so shocked, and it was everything I wanted…until I realized that some of them were laughing, and that they had been being sarcastic._

_Leorio was the first one to voice the sarcasm, saying “Yeah, it’s about time. For one thing, you’re all Gon talked about whenever you weren’t around.” *sigh*_

_The lack of surprise was a little upsetting, if I’m being honest. I don’t really consider myself an obvious person, and knowing my that I…wore my feelings on my sleeve like that makes me feel pretty vulnerable. It’s…a feeling I’ve never really had before, but it’s…pause…one I am really happy to have._


	40. Chapter 40

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/159311537368/sorry-about-the-delay-but-here-you-guys-go-and)

 

 

_May 29th, 2016, at at 8:15 PM._

_**Script:** _

_So…we’ve been dating about a week now, and I don’t have any regrets. I mean, I am pretty sure I’ve made that obvious by now._

_It’s just…every time we talk, I get enough butterflies to populate planet earth, and…best of all…our gaming sessions are going better than ever, if that’s even possible. We’ve…we’ve actually won the last thirty games we’ve played. Every time we go into a match, we joke about how we’re going to lose our streak and we’re terrified…but we just…win and win and win. And all of those games were ranked, too._

_We’ve already made it to the top five percent of ranked players in the world. It’s a feat that I never thought I’d actually reach. I have been to, or at least seen online, every single ranked professional tournament I could, and it’s always been sort of a…pipe dream to be there…until now._

_Now, with how well we’re playing, and with how much I know about the professionals of this game, I can tell exactly how much a skill gap exists between them and ourselves. And that gap is rapidly decreasing. We could hit the top one percent of players in a few months if we keep playing like this, and I’m really excited for that day._

_Anyway, long story short, I’m a gay nerd. I’m dating a gay nerd. And I’m the happiest gay nerd on the planet._


	41. Chapter 41

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/159379014523/the-link-to-the-master-list-where-you-can-find)

 

_June 2nd, 2016, at at 7:45 AM_

**_Script:_ **

_We’re going on our first e-date this afternoon, when Gon gets back from school. We haven’t figured out where yet…but I’m pretty psyched. I almost feel weird having it be an online date, but still, it’s my first one! My first date! I’m going on a date!_

_When I woke up this morning, I picked out an outfit that I thought would look especially cute. Then I remembered it’s just an online date, but still…I’m gonna send him a picture of it, and try to look as good as possible. If that’s something I can do. I don’t know._

_I do love fashion. It’s kind of my guilty pleasure. I don’t dress in anything…crazy out there, but I just…like looking nice, you know? And since I barely ever go out, the fact that I am today will not go to waste. I’m gonna look good._

_Anyway, I’ll update this the second I get back from the date, but yeah! Wish me luck!_


	42. Chapter 42

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/159416425898/the-link-to-the-master-list-where-you-can-find)

 

 

_June 2nd, 2016, at at 9:30 PM_

**_Script:_ **

_So…we went on the date. *laugh* It was wonderful. We ended up going and getting bubble tea, which is one of my favorite things on the planet, and I found out that he loves it as well! Anyway, the bubble tea place is about a fifteen minute walk from here, and the one by Gon’s place is about five minutes away. So I started walking first, and after ten minutes of walking, I told him to do the same, so we could arrive at the same time. It was pretty cute, not gonna lie._

_We both ordered our favorite flavor without telling each other what it was…god we even have the same favorite flavor of bubble tea, which is Taro. He prefers the tapioca pearls, I don’t like them at all, so I just used the coconut jellies. Mmm._

_When we ordered the same tea at the same time, all I could hear was an extremely loud ‘awww’ from Gon, and the cashier asking him if everything was alright. It was pretty funny, actually._

_Anyway, afterwards, we each went to a different park, and we just…sat there for hours. I listened to him talk about his family, and his childhood. It was really nice to get to know who Gon was before we met. I love listening to him talk, even if it’s about nothing at all. He has so much passion, and it’s pretty great to hear him get into a story._

_I had my first date today, and it was, on par for the course, absolutely wonderful._


	43. Chapter 43

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/159760042968/the-link-to-the-master-list-where-you-can-find)

 

_June 5th, 2016, at at 11:30 PM_

_Script:_

_I was trying to figure out what to focus on in this blog entry, and I guess I’ve never really made a post dedicated to the things I really enjoy about Gon. Yeah, I talk about him all the time, but this will be like…a concentration of Gon admiration. Prepare yourselves._

_My favorite thing about him is his attention to detail, and his ability to learn. It’s crazy how focused Gon has become when it comes to winning games, while still being able to have a ton of fun while doing it._

_Also, one thing that, I must admit, annoyed me a little bit when we first met, but that I absolutely love now is the sheer quantity of questions Gon asks about the game. Yeah, at first it bothered me, because he could just as easily look for himself, but now I really enjoy them, because I’ve realized…he never asks the same question twice, and always learns from whatever I’ve told him._

_In all honesty, I’m quite shocked at how fast Gon is improving in this game. He’s very quickly catching me on skill level, or at least where I’d been before we’d met. Now, I could personally probably wipe the floor with who I’d been as a player._

_We’re just…doing such a good job of building on each other, and bringing out the best in each other’s ability to play the game._

_…We’re currently at 48 wins, and counting, without a single loss. 50 is going to feel freaking amazing, but can you imagine how great it would feel to hit 100 wins in a row without losing? I think I’d probably die of happiness._

_Well…I kind of do that already about ten times a day, thanks to my stupid boyfriend. *Slight laugh*_


	44. Chapter 44

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/159811794203/the-link-to-the-master-list-where-you-can-find)

 

_June 7th, 2016, at at 10:15 PM_

 

_Script:_

_Today was…kind of weird. I skyped Gon pretty much all day, which is great, but he seemed…off. He was a lot quieter than usual, but he also said he was sick, and I can’t blame him in that case. He was coughing and stuff a lot too, so that’s gotta be it…but that wasn’t the last of it._

_I could tell he wasn’t feeling too hot, so I asked him if he wanted to go to bed, and he got…kind of defensive. He said that he wouldn’t even think about bed until we’d won ten games. Well…we did just that. We won ten games, in a row of course._

_Afterwards…Gon got kind of quiet, quieter than he had been all day, and then when I was about to say something, he just…thanked me. ‘Thank you, Killua’. It was so out of place an odd, I asked him about it. He didn’t really expand on the issue…but I didn’t want to press him, so we moved onto other things._

_We stayed up for another few hours, saying cute sweet nothings to each other. Well, mostly it was Gon saying them and me acting all embarrassed, then Gon laughing at my embarrassment, before bursting into a fit of coughs, which would then cause me to laugh. It was a really cute way to end the night…even if the rest of the call was pretty strange._


	45. Chapter 45

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/159842916938/the-link-to-the-master-list-where-you-can-find)

 

_June 8th, 2016, at at 7:15 PM_

_Script_

_I just got off the phone with Gon. He…uh…said he was going to be gone for a while again. He said this one might be…longer than usual. I’m sure it’s fine, but knowing how long he was gone last time, and that this one might be longer…it just kind of sucks._

_The one plus side to this time is that he told me he’d try to text me as much as possible. No promises, of course, but that he’d try, which is more than I could ever ask. I told him it was fine, and then asked him if he’d ever tell me where he goes._

_He told me he’d eventually tell me, but that it’s not a big enough deal to talk about at the moment. What else could I do, I accepted it and told him that I was going to miss him. There was a pause…almost like he was thinking…and then he told me that he was going to miss me too…and then thanked me again. Not gonna lie, it freaked me out a bit, but Gon said that nothing’s wrong, and I trust him._

_It’s only been a few hours, and I already miss him so much…_


	46. Chapter 46

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/159868323683/the-link-to-the-master-list-where-you-can-find)

 

 

_June 15th, 2016, at at 9:45 PM_

_Script_

_Sorry I haven’t been updating…it’s been a week, and still nothing from Gon. I haven’t updated because…I haven’t had anything to talk about. You don’t want to hear me whine and complain for an entire week about something that isn’t even a big deal._

_I’m sure he’s fine, he told me not to worry, and I’m going to trust him. It’s normal to worry about your best friend and boyfriend, right?_

_I’ve played several games with the rest of the group, and none of them have heard from Gon either. They all say it’s going to be fine, and that honestly helps._

_I’m really glad I have this group of friends to confide in._


	47. Chapter 47

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/159883671283/hey-guys-i-have-5-chapters-left-in-this-series)

 

_June 16th, 2016, at at 7:45 AM_

_Script:_

_-Killua starts by unfolding a piece of paper. Emotion is very heavy here. Halfway through the first sentence, it transitions from Killua’s voice, to Gon’s. This is the first time we’ve heard Gon this entire series.-_

_Dear Killua,_

_It’s currently about one in the morning, at the time I’m writing this. We just finished up what might possibly be the best call of my life. You just asked me to be your boyfriend…we’re dating…slight laugh I’m so happy._

_You don’t know how happy you make me, Killua. Everything about you, each little piece, is something that I wouldn’t change for anything. I always laughed off the concept of a ‘soul mate’, but if one ever were to exist…it would be you._

_Reading this letter, you’re probably wondering what I’m doing writing something to you, when I could just text all this. You’re probably all embarrassed at the compliments I’ve given you, thinking I shouldn’t say all of this…but that’s another really cute thing about you, Killua._

_In a few weeks…I’m going to have to leave you again. And…this time…it’s probably going to be for good. Believe me, I wish more than anything that I didn’t have to leave you, Killua. You are…magic. The threads of your existence weave and intertwine through reality, giving way to mystical perception, fantasy, and dreams._

_But…I…I have to face reality, soon. Sooner than I would like to admit._

_I…I have cancer, Killua. I’ve been fighting it for years, and my body is about to give up. I don’t have it in me to resist much longer. Actually, I was meant to…go…over three months ago. I was ready to give up…and then I met you._

_These last three months were the best of my life. Being with you made me forget about…everything._

_I know it’s selfish. I only have a few weeks left, at most, but I wanted this so badly. Please don’t hate me, please. I know how hard it’s going to be on you…and I still couldn’t say no._

_This letter should reach you about the time I…go. Probably a bit before._

_I know we have only known each other three or four months…and I know we started dating about an hour ago…but…_

_I love you, Killua._

_Gon_

_-As he says ‘I love you’, it transitions back into Killua’s voice. Broken. Empty.-_


	48. Chapter 48

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/160302840923/4-chapters-left-the-link-to-the-master-list)

 

_June 17th, 2016, at at 11:30 AM_

 

_Script:_

_You’d expect me to be crying right now. You’d probably expect me to be bed ridden, unable to move._

_Don’t get me wrong, that’s how it was for the first few hours. After reading the letter, I couldn’t stop crying…shaking…I was a mess. I still am, but I can’t just sit around and let him…let him die without me. He’s not going through this alone._

_Which is why I’m currently sitting outside the airport, waiting for the plane. My flight leaves in two hours, and arrives in three. The only reason I’m not driving is to save time. He’s not going through this alone._

_Look…I have no delusions in my head that I’ll be able to make him better. I know I’m not going to arrive and magically cure him…but what else do you expect me to do? He’s…everything to me…and I have to tell him…at least once._

_…He’s not going to do this alone._


	49. Chapter 49

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/160349484483/3-chapters-left-the-link-to-the-master-list)

 

_June 17th, 2016, at at 3:15 PM_

_Script:_

_This entry is going to be really short. I just landed and am currently waiting for my uber to arrive. I don’t know which hospital Gon is at, but I figured…if I went to his house, maybe someone would be there to take me with him. I hope they don’t react too strangely to some stranger showing up at their door, demanding to see their son, who’s currently in a hospital…_

_I was trying to figure out why I don’t really feel the need to cry anymore…I thought it was just because I’m…empty inside…but that’s definitely not it. Especially right now, I’m all but empty inside. I have never felt this much emotion and…I think the reason I am not crying is because…even though what’s happening is…so messed up…_

_…I still get to be there for him, until the very end._


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note the dates from episodes 48-52.

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/160379243928/holy-shit-50-episodes-2-chapters-left-make-sure)

 

 

_June 17th, 2016, at at 5:30 PM_

_Script:_

_Okay, so I got really, really lucky. When my ride dropped me off at Gon’s house, I only had to wait for a few minutes before a car pulled into the driveway. A woman got out, who I soon found out was Gon’s mother._

_She was a mess. I could tell she’d been crying the entire car ride home. When I mentioned my name was Killua, she got a huge smile on her face, which completely changed her entire facial expression, and…she told me how happy she was that I could be there for Gon in his final moments…_

_Gon told her about me…he told her everything, and then so me. It’s so hard to describe what I’m feeling right now, but it’s like a mountain of sadness and an asteroid of happiness colliding and…regardless of what’s about to happen…_

_I’m so excited to see him._


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy cow, one episode left. I hope you enjoy this one.

[ The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/160408314043/one-episode-left-this-one-took-the-longest-to)

 

 

_June 17th, 2016, at at 7:15 PM_

 

_Script:_

_Hey, Gon._

_I…feel like I should have so much I want to say. On my way here, I thought of a hundred things I’d want to tell you, but now that I’m here…I can’t think of any of them._

_I am finally here, in person, with you. Finally, I get to hold your hand…and you’re completely oblivious to all of it. Kind of a sick joke, really._

_Gon, you were right about one thing. You were very selfish._

_But…you definitely got it wrong in how you were selfish. For dating me? Never. Never in a thousand years would I ever call you selfish for wanting to be with me. Stupid, maybe. Downright blind, probably…but never selfish._

_And yet…you are one of the most selfish people I know. How could you possibly think it would be okay to…go through this alone, Gon? How, in a million years, do you think it’s okay to tell me…that you love me… and not give me the chance to say it back? It’s not okay, Gon._

_So…you have to wake up…you have to. You can’t die on me, not here, not ever…because…I never got the chance, the chance to tell you…_

_I love you too, Gon…I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything in my entire life…more than I will ever love anything again…You are adorable, funny, smart, stupid, charming, and above all…you’re mine. So…_

_Please, Gon…please don’t go…because I’m selfish too. And I need you. *Kisses hand*_


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is it folks, the finale. Thank you all so much for your support throughout this series. I can’t believe it’s coming to a close.

[The link to today's episode can be found here!](http://killushawn.tumblr.com/post/160589123278/well-this-is-it-folks-the-finale-thank-you-all)

 

 

_March 15th, 2017 at at 4:30 PM_

_Script:_

 

_So, I was going through my old computer, and I found this blog again. I can’t believe it’s been a year already._

_Reading through all of my old entries, I can’t believe how…dramatic I was. Holy cow, I had more angst than a teen just starting puberty…I probably should have made my blog name ‘The Edgelord’ Slight laugh._

_Just thinking about…those last few entries…I still haven’t gotten over it. It still hurts to go back and think about…and sometimes, in the middle of the night, I wake up and find myself crying, for no reason at all. I still have nightmares about it…and I don’t know how long it will be before they stop._

_So…what has happened since that last entry? I am now in the top five hundred ranked players across the United States for DNA. I actually have companies coming to me, asking me to join the team they’re sponsoring. This is something I could do for a career…but I’ve had to turn all of them down. Why?_

_…Because every single one has already had another person as part of the team…and Gon and I go as a set._

_*Slight laugh* Right, I probably should have mentioned Gon before this. It’s almost as though I’m trying to continue the drama and leave you wondering if he lived or not…_

_After that last entry…he actually woke up…I was sitting in the waiting room with his family, and they were telling me stories about him…when the doctors rushed in. We all thought the worst, but they said he’d been asking for me. I went into the room…and he was sitting up, looking extremely tired, but equally happy._

_I can’t tell you how…good it felt to finally hug him, and have him hug me back…suddenly, we were both crying, and laughing, and everything was wonderful, even though we knew it was only temporary._

_Or so we thought…within a few days, Gon’s cancer started going into remission. The doctors couldn’t explain it, and of course, Gon kept saying it was because of me. I didn’t, nor shall I ever believe that, but the doctors did say it was…nothing short of a miracle._

_Either way, according to the blog entries, today marks the one year anniversary of when I met Gon…is that weird? To celebrate the day you met, and then later to celebrate the day you started dating? Who cares. Either way, I feel this is a good way to close this blog._

_Happy one year anniversary of our friendship, Gon. And happy one year anniversary of me, finally getting to live. And it’s all thanks to you. Everything I am…I am because of you. Well…you and DNA. Maybe DNA more than you…Actually I think it is all thanks to DNA…_

_Gon: Killua!!!_

_Hey, you said you weren’t going to say anything!_

_Gon: Yeah, but then you said something like that!!! You were finally being sweet, and you had to ruin it!_

_Fine. Maybe you contributed a little bit…_

_Gon: Killua!!!_

_Yes?_

_Gon: Fine, I won’t kiss you for a week._

_Like you could resist._

_Gon: …Shut up. *Pause*_

_*Kiss*_

_Gon: I love you, Killua._

_Wow…actually giving me a chance to say it back this time?_

_Gon: Killuaaaaaaa_

_*Slight laugh* I love you too, Gon._


End file.
